balasan....

ytd the whole nigth i never sleep...
i realize one thing...
until ytd i only realize...

i asking myself..
why i always get hurt ??
i think for a long time...
finally i found i answers for myself...
i always hurt some one tat love me alot...
aspecially my family...
my parent and my relative..
i hurt them de most...
tat why nw i must been hurt by some one i love alot....

i asking myself also..
why i can feel de feeling of happy before ??
how can tell me wt is de feeling of happy ??
finally i get de answers 4 myself also...
from small i was very naughty...
i knw start from seven yrs old i non-stop bring so many problem to my parent....
make them very up sad unhappy....
i make my friend unhappy also...
tat why...
i cant get my happy..
my true happy...

when this all thing only will end in my life??
when ??

Disappointed’

Six day...
Six days holidays…
U spent five day with your friend…
And this makes u let accompany me…

Ytd I told you…
I told u that I going to blind….
Wat your reaction??
U reaction tells me tat u not care me at all…

U say u goes accompany your NS friend cause they going to study not going go back camp…
U says u will be backing home tomorrow, and until de day of tomorrow ad le…
Wat u tells me?? Maybe I will go back tomorrow…
I don’t know tomorrow u will tell me wat again…

U at de camp accompany yr friend not enough ma??
Everyday chat, everyday meet… not enough ah??

I very hard wait until u have six day de holiday…
Tot u can accompany me...
But wat u does to me??
At camp accompany friend…
Holiday also accompany friend…

U promise me tat u will come kl accompany me…
Bt yr parent don give you…
I understand… never mind…
I never blame you…
U wants to go yr friend house until late never mind….
Everyday wanan to drink tea with friend never mind… go ahead…
What u want to do, I let u do… I let u go…
I never stop u anything before…

BUT…!!!
U got think before my feeling ma??
Did u think if u is me??
Did you??

I going to blind soon…
Going to cant see anything anymore… INCLUDE YOU…!!
I world going to be black in colour, lonely…
U understands my feeling ma…
HW do u feel when u r me??
How does u feel tat when u know yr own self going to blind…
In my mind just only have u de memory…
Some more does sad memory…
Happy de?? Don’t know go where le…

I know myself going to blind soon…
So hope tat u can have more time accompany me…
Hope tats my mind have more happy memory with you...
BT where you??
U was playing with your NS friend…
Is it accompanied yr going to study de NS friend important then yr GF de health?!?!?!

YOU ASK YOURSELF!! DID U DID A BF SHOULD DO DE THING?!?!?!

Wat de hell..!!!

Leong khai xiang….!!
Why u non-stop saying me want to break with you …?!?!?
Is u wanted to break with me is it??
Then u pushes it to me, is it?!?!?
Harr ??

Leong khai xiang..!!
U asks your own self….
U come back this few day got really use yr own heart accompany me ma??
U got ma?!?!?
U got does a bf want to de thing ma…??
U got ma?!?!

U NEVER.
U never….
I feeling like u never care me before….
Can’t feel your love anymore…

I m wat for you??
A toy??
A toy tat when u wants to play comes find me...
Don want play then dump it a side…??

This week happen many things on me…
Make me very suffer…
U know ma??
Really very suffer u know ma??
I want to tell u...
BT u…
Not busy 1st, chat later, accompany friend 1st this n tat de…
How I going to tell you…

U got think before my feeling me??
U got ma??
U understands my feeling ma??

tired...

Tired…
I not run de whole school up and down and make myself tired...…

Tired de is my mental…
Sometime I hope tat my mental same as my heart...
Why I said like tat…??
U see… when we not yet open our eye see this world…
Our heart ad start beating…
Until now still beating…
Never stop before…
And I really hope tat my mental was just same as my heart…
My mental really very tired….

I feel like to protect this relationship…
I use much energy…
I use all of my energy le…
I feeling very tired…

I have put much effort in this relationship…
I do much hard work in this relationship…
BUT…
No matter how much effort I put how much hard work tat I do...
Wat I get??
I get NOTHING..!!!
Is NOTHING..!!!!!

I ask myself...
Why??
Why I want to do so many things, use up all my energy and at last I get de is NOTHING!!!
Why?? Who can tell me why??

Relationship is belonging of two person de...
Why I feeling tat only me de one who non-stop giving out...
And never receive anything...
I hate...
I hate...
I really hate this feeling….!!

I really tired to giving without receiving u know ma??
U know ma?!?!?!
I can’t see tat u put effort in this relationship at all…
Only I m de one…

Sometime I m asking myself...
Do u really love me??
Did u really care this relationship??
Did u?!?!?!
Did u really appreciate this relation before??
Did you?!?!

Important de is…!!
DID U APPRECIATE TAT U HAV ME NOW!!!!!

who ??

Who??
Who can understand my feeling now, in this moment??
I don’t know wat kind of feeling me having now…
I know this kind of feeling contain many negative substances…
This feeling contain…
Sad
Unhappiness
Lonely
Boring

Who can take away my sad and bring me happy??
Who can take away my unhappiness and start bring me happiness??
Who can take away my lonely and can come accompany tell me tat u r not alone??
Who can take away my boring to bring me some fun??

Waiting…
I was waiting…
I m waiting de person appear in my life…
I don’t know whether he ad appear only I don’t know...
Or
De person not yet appear before…

Please~
Who??
Who can tell tat who can take away of my sad, unhappiness, lonely and boring…??

Feel…

I don’t know why…
I feeling like hard breathing when I text with you…
I don’t know why I will have this kind of feeling…

I don’t know why…
I feel like u getting far n far from me…
What going on??

I don’t know why…
I feeling u don’t understand me at all…
U doesn’t know wat I want at all…
I very suffer in this situation….

I want to to cry…
Btu I force myself to don cry…
Cause I know tat thr are no one will lend me a shoulder…
There are no one will hug me…
There was no one will wipe away my tear tell me don cry and I will beside you…
BUT…
At last I still cry le…. T.T

I was a person tat have a big imagination….
I was non-stop imagine tat sweet thing romance thing tat happen on me…
I force myself to don think… STOP IMAGINE..!!!
Cause I know tat won’t happen on me….
Btu I still can’t control myself…
I still nonstop thinking dreaming imagine….

This few days I flashing back me n u de memory…
Until today I only know tat our memory is very least...
Really very least…
And most of them are unhappy memory… not worth for me to remember…
But I can’t delete it in my mind...
Is not like delete some software in de computer…?
Just right click then click delete… then done…

U know ma??
I love u a lot a lot….
U every moment also in my heart…
But I don’t know why, u can’t get in my heart de deepest place tat where I m thr…
My heart de deepest place is dark and lonely…
I hope tat u can some in accompany me…
But…!!
I really don’t know why…
Why u can’t come in…

why..!!!

why ??
why ??
and WHY ??

i non-stop asking myself why why and WHY ??
btu thr are no ans..
i hope tat thr a person can sit in front of me and ans all my ans....!!!

six sence...

girls...
did u all believe yr six sense ma..
i very believe my six sense o...
cause i experience before...

seen so many year...
my six sence always telling me wat gonna to happen....
just like its knwo wat gonna happen the next secong minute hours and day....

few day ago...
after my dear call me...
if nt wrong tuesday tat just pass three day ago....
my six sence tell me tat smtg bad gonna happen on me and....
when my dear call me de time will getting short...
the folowing two time..
ehh..
really getting short le...

then after if not wrong two time de call...
my six sence tell me tat your dear not gonna to call me today at eight...
wow..
tat time i was waiting dear de call..
dear really never call me le....
haiz...

six sense ah, six sense ah....
from tat day u telling me smtg bad wil happen on me...
but u never tell me wat is de thing make me non-stop guessing only....
i don wnat stop guessing ad le...
wat going to happen o.o ??
haiz...

sorry.....

sorry...
sorry to all de ppl who love me...
sorry..
sorry tat i make u all sad...
sorry...

i knw tat i always repeat my mistake no ending....
sorry....
i dunno why i change..
sorry....
i really din have de mint to break yr heart de....
sorry....

sorry to my dear friend An Mei...
sorry to my dear parent....
sorry to my Pz Dennis....

i know..
i know i always did wrong...
u all always forgive me and non-stop giving me chance...
and i dunno to appercaite at all....
sorry...
sorry... T.T

please...
sorry...
i really din have de mean....
sorry...
i really sincerly say sorry..

i know i know...
i know all my sorry all boring for u all...
and..
i never change at all...
i know..
is my wrong..
i admit my wrong...

God.... please help me...
i always lose to de deviel...
i cant control myself..
please help me...
i mnow wrong le..
i knwo in this world no ppl can help me out..
only u can..
u can do it..
only u de one can make this happen...
please... help me.,...

ytd night...

u know ma??
ytd night i quite happy...
haha...
know wat happen ??
haha.. don tell u... bluek... cheh~~

dear at ns le...
he call me twice ytd night...
1 is abt eight smtg..
and another is at 11 smtg....

i very happy tat i can hear my dear dear de voice....
i most happy de is my dear at de last call when wanna to close phone
he said love me...

hey guys..
this is de first time le....
first time he auto said love me leh...
i wanna to reply love him too..
BUT
there was have a very very big light bulb beside me.... (mummy)
haha...
so i just reply dear by "en"....
sorry ya, dear....
just wanna tel dear tat i love dear too...!!
muackz....

after dear close phone..
mummy ask me a question...
mummy ask me"when u become his wife, why i dunno de"
cause mummy hear dear call me lao po... haha...
dear very less call me lao po de or any name...
expect in sms.... he will call me dar.... tat all...
swt right ?? =='''''
real life n sms not same at all de....
just like sms non stop saying love you..
bt when real life??
haha... u knw lo...

muackz...
still wanna to tell u at here..
i love you....

romance ??

in this world gto which girl don like romance....
most of de girl love romance think alot....
aspecially de one tat they love did to them....
even boy also like romace right??

i just feeling like nowaday...
all become opposite...
last time boy will always do smtg very romantik to girl...
nowaday...
opposite ad....
nowadays....
is girl need to sqeezz their mind to think way to make a romance thing to boy...
wat de hell is it...
de boy was just sitting there enjoy de feeling...
good rite ??

i know...
i know tat not everytime all aldo must did by guy....
girl also must...
but guy must did more than girl gua...
more hw much i dunno la....
for me guy must more "zhu dong"...

de one i hate is never take action at all de guy....
walao...
beh tahan lo...

ehh...
don u feeling boring...??
always go out date doing the same thing without any additional thing....
just like a dishes without salt, sugar or pepper...
did u think is nice ??
did u think like tat de food will be nice to eat??

haiz..
please la...
guys....

friday.... (tired day)

thurday after school then straight away go kawat kaki le....
from one o clock kawat until 330pm...
then call mummu coma and fetch..
who know mummy siad her can go fetch me call me take bus go home.....

wat to do ??
take bus only lo...
from my school straigh away down to bus stop....
i walk fast take abt 5 minutes...

then when i reach thr was so many bus pass by....
U63 got 2
U67 got 2 also
METRO 10 got 1
bus mini got 2
BUT.......!!
i want de t523 one also din have....
still never mind wor...
i wait....

wait wait wait....
de sky getting dark n dark..
nto because of going to be night wor.....
is going to rain wor...
very fast de...
de rain started..
sumore is bag rain.....
arrggghhhhh......

then i pray tat sumoe will come help me....
not long ago mummy come find me at bus stop le..
i was supprizse....
mummy tell me tat mummy de upline suddenly come cosway so tat she cn come fetch me..
thanks god....

mummy fetch me back home bath..
after bath i need to follow mummy go out cosway
cause mummy later will bring me go look for tuition when fetch sister back from school....

i go cosway is because wanan go look for my tuition..
who know mummy in rush not yet look finish then balik kampung ad....
haiz....

tired lo...
go out for ntg only....
if know early sure sleep at home de....

then at night..
dear sms come....
then i accompany dear until 6am....
wow...
then 630 need wake up go school le....

finish school at 1230pm...
kawat kaki after school until 2pm....
haiz....

kawat kaki....

few day ago (wednesday)
before going back home...
my koko (pandu puteri) de pengerusi come find me....
they call me go kawat kaki for hari sukan....
they said tat they lasck out of ppl....

i hate to kawat kaki..
but dunno why...
i promiss them o.O
swt lo....

they tell me tat de next day got practice....
after school....
=='''''''''

my dear friend....

brandon,
i dunno ytd night wat happen to you le...
dunno wat make u unhappy....
i happy tat u call me yesterday and let me accompany u to chat....

brandon,
don sad sad unhappy le....
forget de unhappy thing ba....
anything u still hav me this friend beside you..
take care...