dear going NS tomorrow le....

three month..
dear..
three month..
three month i cant meet dear le...

dear...
i wait u o.O
i wait dear come back...

dear,
u guai guai at ns o.O
don naughty naughty ah....

cant see dear for three month..
dar sure will miss dear alot...
dunno dear in camp will miss me ma...??

dear...
dar wait u back o.O
hope our love wont change....

dear...
u r de one i love de most...

dear..
thr was no one cn replace u in my heart....

i love you dear....
my love for u is forever...

apperciate.....

will u apperciate??
will u apperciate out relationship ma ??

u know ma ??
i was very pain..
know why ??
u said tat, tat your friend tell u tat..
thr was a girl love u, worry you, take care you, care you, treat u good not bad ad...
tat wat yr friend say..
after yr friend say u only scare tat i leave u...

hey...
if yr friend never say leh ??
you wont appercaite me ??
and before yr friend said tat...
u never apperiate me at all ??
wat de hell is zit ??

u knw u make my heart very pain ma ??
u know ma ??
i donwant yr friend siad...
i want u ownself know...!!

u got apperciate me before ma ??

u sure ?? u comfirm ??

my heart very pain....
last night i hav a big cry...
never sleep at all..
i cry until my eye pain...
no ones beside...
no one know...
no ones care abt it...

my heart really pain..
hav any medicine for it ma ??
i heart really pain...
in tat time i really think wanna to do stupid thing...
but when i really to do...
there was a voice tell me tat stop it...

i know..
i know tat i not a good gf..
i dunno how to tie up yr heart....
dunno how to make u love me the most...

me heart very pain...
when i knwo tat..
when i know tat u love de most is not me...
u miss de is not me...
u love de most is her..!!
miss de also is her...!!

u know ma ??
everytime u tell me tat u love me
u miss me..
u sure ma ??
u comfirm ma ??
is ME ma...
i was scare...
i was very scare...
i scare tat u miss her, u love her..
but u just telling me...

u tell me tat u heart pain..
unhappy...
i tot wat happen le...
u heart pain is because of her...
ALL IN HER..........!!
u still cant put down her...!!
i hate you..
i really hate you...

in de time i really want to give up le..
i really no more energy to support le...
u non-stop calling not to give up....
call me forgive you give u chance...

i give le my forgive...
i give le my chance...
wat will i get back ??

my heart very pain...
really very pain... u know ma ??
u know de pain ma ??

forgive?? chance ??

i dunno...
i dunno hw many time i can forgive you....
i feeling i non-stop forgive u, give u chance,
u dunno apperciate at all...
non-stop repeat de same thing.....

i asking myself...
hw only can let yr stop repeating de mistake ??
hw only can let me stop hurt from you....
iszit ??
if i don forgive you, don give u chance....
then u doesnt have de chance hurt me again le ??
i dunno...

i really think b4 tat don forgive you....
don let u hav chance anymore le...
i found out tat i forgive le so many time..
chance give le so many time...
wat i get back ??
happiness ??
no............!!
is de SAME....!!
u return me back de same thing....
or more worst de thing....!!

i dunno why..
why everytime i giving u chance ??
why everytime i gove u chance hurt myself??
why tat my heart so soft...
why ??

cause i really LOVE YOU.......!!

please......

if i suddenly dissappear le..
please...
don go find me....
don go search every where for me..
don catch me back....
can ma ??

i really dislike this world...
i hate this world...

daddy...
why don u bring me up...
if u don bring me up...
can i make myself up...

daddy..
i don want drop tear le...

daddy
please tat away my tears...

daddy
i don like this world...

daddy.......!!
did u hear wat i pray...
did u knwo wat i want...

daddy
i need yr help..
I NEED YOU...!!

daddy...
i really want beside you..
let me beside u can ma ??
can i see you later ??

normal

i just a normal girl..
wanna to have a normal life...
wanna to have a normal love from you...
tat all...
GOT SO HARD MA ??

Sorry…

Sorry…

Familiar ma ??

U know ma ??

In this six month and 2 day…

U tell me how many sorry le ma ??

U tell me de sorry is uncountable de…

U know ma ??

I want de is not sorry u know ma ??

I want de is action…

Not SORRY…

I don want just sorry tat word without meaning….

U know ma ??

Why every time thr was smtg happen,

u only know how to say sorry sorry sorry…

why ??

why u doesn’t let de sorry meaningfull ??

why don u do smtg ??

why everything sorry ??

please…

why u don try to solve it ??

why ??

why u always dunno ??

why DON U TRY TO KNOW….

Why everytime must dunno ??

I hate everytime u reply dunno, anything and whatever….

U know ma ??

Cause of yr dunno, yr anything, yr whatever…

Feeling like u don care…

U know ma ??

Can ma ??

Can u stop dunno anything and whatever le ma ??

Please…

Can u stop repeating de mistake can le ma ??

Can u stop break de promise le ma ??

I m tired...

I no energy le…

I m scared tat my energy no enough to support this relationship…

Please..

CAN U STOP IT MA ??

Sometime… something…

Sometime some thing….

Not in your control…

U cant control it….

Sometime something…

I hope tat I dunno….

But I cant control it…

Sometime something…

u really hope tat it never happen b4…

But It really happen…

Sometime something…

I really hope tat I m not clever…

I found out tat I too clever in found put de truth…

And let de truth hurt myself…

I think I can become a police in future… = =`````

Sometime something…

It will make u too tired…

U will try to stop the thing happen but…

Sometime something…

U cant do it on your own…

No one can help you…

And one person can help you…

There was one person…

No matter wat happen HE wont leave us…

HE was every minute, every second beside us…

HE love everyone in this world…

But not everyone love HIM in this world…

Even duo not everyone love HIM in this world…

Btu HE still love us…

No matter wat we do…

HE still love us…

I love HIM..

Dear daddy in heaven…

I love you…!!

u know ma ?? can u ??

U know ma ??

U different from last time….

U different…

U change…

U know ma ??

U long time never hav a good time accompany me le…

Everytime we sms u was not concentrate at all…

U know ma??

U not like last time tell me everything related to you le…

Everytime want me to ask u only will say….

Last time de u not like tat de…

Last time de u, u will tell me everything….

U will tell me tomorrow whr u go, wat will u do and more and more…

But now no more le…

U know ma??

Did u know tat I afraid…

I was afraid tat u…

Until now I still no confidence at all in u…

U know ma ??

I was very tired…

I really tired le…

I hav no energy le…

No one give me energy…

No one Support me…

U know ma ??

I hate..

I hate this kind of feeling….

I really hate it a lot…

U know ma??

I hav think many time tat

Should I give up ??

Should I ??

I non stop repeat asking myself…

SHOULD I ?!?!?!?!?!

U know ma ??

Did u know tat everyday every night…

I was crying…

Even duo now I m crying…

Alone…

I hav no one to share my sadness…

No ones take away my tears….

U know ma ??

My heart was very pain…

Really every pain…

How only my heart will stop pain ??

Who can teach me??

Please…

Take away my pain….

Can you ??

Can u stop dunno…

And start to know….

Can you??

Just use yr mind abit or more??

Just use to think abit or more??

Can you ??

Can u just “zhu dong” abit ??

Nt everytime me…

I m TIRED…………!!

Can you??

Can u do smtg without I tell…

Why everything I tell u,

U only do…

If everything need I tell..

All nt meaning full le…

Can you??

Can you just let me in my mind leave down some or more happy de memory…??

Can you ?!

CAn you ?!?

CAN you ?!?!

CAN You ?!?!?

CAN YOu ?!?!?!

CAN YOU ?!?!?!?

Lord Jesus

I dunno wat should I do ??

I dunno wat should I deciede…

I dunno how to solve it..

.

Oh~ Lord Jesus…

Can u teach me ??

Can u bring me to de right way ??

Wat should I do only can make myself to feel better ??

Wat should I decide is only de right decision..??

And

How to solve all de problem…

Oh~ Lord Jesus…

Please~~

I need you…

I love you…

I am willing follow you….

Oh~ Lord Jesus….

I m sorry….

I know tat I nt a good daughter…

I know I always make u drop tear…

I m sorry…

I know tat smtg is wrong…

I still wanna to do…

I m sorry…

Oh~ Lord Jesus…

I have lost my happy long long time ago…

Can u give me back ??

Please…

Can u ?

I beg you…

I wanna back my happiness…

Please…

I really want back… L

Oh~ Lord Jesus…

My heart very pain..

Jesus u rmb ma ??

I pray before tat I wanna to die..

I wanna to be with u in de heaven..

I wanna u bring me de place tat without tears…

I from small until now I living in de world tat full of tear…

I wanna to quit…

Can ma ??

Please…

Either u bring me up let me stay with you

OR

Let me quit from like tat de world…

Give me happiness…

Oh~ Lord Jesus…

I know tat u know my problem…

U know wat I want…

U know wat I need…

Please…

Show me de way….

Oh~ Lord Jesus…

I pray sincerely in de night….

I know tat u hear wat I praying…

Pray in de name of Jesus, AMEN !!

tat night

I wont forget tat night in my life…

Tat night is my most happy night…

I was hoping every night is like tat…

De last ppl I saw when I sleep is you…

And

De first ppl I saw when I wake is you…

Miss…

I miss tat night a lot…

I rmb tat we sing, we play, we chat…

Is was so fun…

When we play until tired le then we sleep le…

Rmb…

I rmb tat, tat night I bring smile sleep together with me…

No tears…

I miss tat night…

I really miss it…

I was so happy in de night…

Muaxxx !!

I love you…!!

meet dear

llast Saturday night dear come kl…
U want to know de night is wat time ma ??
Abt 11…
He come fetch me ad 12am…

Tat day I hav church gathering…
Saturday night after gathering everyone celebrate birthday with my pastel…
We all early one day celebrate with her..
Actually her birthday in on Sunday,…

After celebrate with my pastel..
My dear come fetch me le…
He fetch me go eat…
No..
Is fetch me accompany him to eat….
He fetch me near his hse de one place eat…
I just drink…
And see him eat….
After tat we when back home le…

Wat de..
His house no water..
Only got de paip water got water only….
I hav no choice…
I hav to bath…
Cause my face was very oily…
And whole body feeling like very sticky….

AND
SOME ONE FORCE ME BATH ALSO…
OWNSELF DON WANT BATH… =='''''''''

After bath I was very tired….
Cause Saturday whole day at outside…
Morning help mummy in mydin cosway…
Evening go church ad until at night…

Dear go accompany his family then I sleep ad…
Then not long later dear come in..
Then I cant sleep ad…
Swt lo…
Then we talk talk talk…
Then we competition sing…
Haha….
He loose ad…
Haha..
I win ad…

Then we sing sing sing, talk talk talk…
Then we fall asleep ad…
In de middle night dunnno why…
Abt 4 or 5 we wake up…
Then talk talk talk again… ==`````
He non stop ask me wanna drink water anot..
Then take water for me..
Then make me find toilet…
Hate lo…

Then we sleep back until nine smtg we wake le….
Then eat break fast with his family..
Then go gai gai with his family…
Then his family fetch me home…

‘something’ tat I brought for him…
I never give him…
Cause I found out tat he doesn’t need it…
Cause I saw tat he have brought a better one…

So…
I use myself…
Haha…

sunway

Last Friday went to Sunway…..

Friday in de morning me and mummy n sister went to Fussion cut hair before going to sunway…

Me cut hair = never cut …

Cause its look like de same…

Not big different…

After cut finish hair le…

Mummy go fetch one of my friend Cally go eat thing…

After finish eat thing me n Cally take bus go sunway…

After reach sunway le…

We go meet my ex…

Then we go k song…

Starting we play until very fun even duo just three of us….

Starting they was singing english song…

Haha..

Dunno wat they singing…

Cause I don hear eng song…

Bt I know one.. love story… haha…

Lucky they just sang few eng song….

They two non-stop singing died ppl de song..

.know wat I mean ??

They was singing song tat go very slow…

And in de same key….

Make me… ==’’’’’’

Me non-stop singing song tat very high key….

My ex cant follow….

He sang until half died..

Haha..

Cally in de week so sunway four time four time also go k song….

She sakit tekak ad..

Haha…

K song is part of my life…

I feeling while singing song I only can do back myself…

Without wearing a mask…

After finish k song le…

Brandon (my ex) when back le…

He said he got smtg to do…

Me n cally when to Full house to hav some food…

Than Brandon sms me tell me tat sorry…

Cause he was having fever in this morning so can teman us gai gai…

I reply him is okay, take care.. and thak you for accompany me go sing k…

After tat me and cally go gaigai…

I decide to buy something for him…

I non stop asking cally give me some idea..

She have no idea at all…

After tat I decide to buy ‘something’…

Me and cally non-stop finding ‘something’ in many shop…

There was many choices…

Make my eye blur…

At last I make de decision…

I brought it le…

Hoping he will like it…

After tat me n cally find a place sit down and chat…

While we chat de time pass very fast…

When time come we go wait bus le…

While waiting bus…

Me n cally saw Tung Meng…

Long time no see him ad…

After tat me n cally take de same bus with tung meng…

I stop at summit at walk to mydin…

I use 5 min time walk to thr..

Not bad rite ?? haha… perasan….!!

fourth days...

i non stop dream abt you..
and ytd night is de fourth day le....

i dream tat we hav a just born child was
DEAD .......!!!

wat kind of dream is it ?!?!

dream

this few night i cant slepp well...
like every hour wake one time....

this three night i cant sleep well...
BUT
i dream abt u...
three night, three night also u....
the drean got good de got bad de....

last three night...
i dream..
i dream tat we married....

last two night...
i dream you break with me because of other giel...

yesterday night...
i dream tat mummy allow me go gai gai with u in this holiday...

tonight..
tonight will i dream about u again ??
de dream will good de or bad de ??
will de good dream come true ??

i dunno....

DID U KNOW U HURT ME ALOT...

why ??
why u want treat me like tat....
did i did wrong anything ??
then why u wanna treat me like tat...
u know how heart pain m i ma ??
every night cant sleep....

wat de hell...
promise ??
wat is de mean of promise ??
why u want make so many promise...
anD
any u make le u want break it....

i wanna hav a big cry..
but...
how i gonna to cry ??
i don want cry in front of ppl..
i don want they ask me this and tat...

no one understand me in this world...
my world only got me...
only me...!!

I HATE THIS WORLD........!!!
I HATE LIKE TAT DE WORLD...........!!

distance...

why ??
wt happening to us le ??
why i feeling tat our distance getting far n far le ??
wat going on le??
why i feeling like u does need me le ??
doesnt care me le.... T.T

life...

do u all like your life ??
do u all hope tat u all never born before ??
do u all hope tat u all never came to this world ??

i doesnt liek my life... i hate it...
ya... i hope tat i never born before....
yes... i hope tat u never came to this world....

i don like my life when i small....
i feeling like my world full of darkness....
non-colous...
black and white....

i was always alone....
no ppl accompany me....
i hate this type feeling....
but this typr of feeling never get off from me before....

i was non-stop finding....
wat i m finding ??
i finding soemthing tat can make my really happy....
i lost my happy long time ago...
i lost i happy when me in primary school ba....

who can help me ??
whoc an help me find back my happy....

tired...
i was very tired....
i was very tired with my life.....
i feeling like all de thing non-stop repeating....
when i m small, i non-stop finding happy....
i can said tat i really feel tired to find happy le....

i dunno why...
i feeling like...
i cant do back myself....
i feeling like i wearing a mask no matter wat i m doing, no matter where i m.....
i wanna to be back myself...
but i cant...
i had try before.. i cant....
maybe i ad biasa with wearing mask de me ba....
BUT
but i don like wearing de mask de me....
who can help me...
please... :'(

i had think before....
i think before to give up my life...
my life doesnt meaning full at all....
full of sadness...
who want like tat de life ??

ytd night....
in de middle night...
i pray to de god....
i beg de god bring me to de heaven and stay beside him...
i non-stop calling god bring me to de haven...
i really wanna to there..
i don want stay at here...
i pray to de god...
bring me go up when i sleep..
bring me go peacefully....
the whole night i cant sleep at all...

i reach school.....
siting my form 4 1st term exam..
today was the last day of de 1st term exam...
i do my exam serious...
after finish school...
i know tat my mum will fetch me late....
i non-stop in de middle of de road...

know wat i m hoping ??
i hope tat thr was suddenly a car bang me and just died...
i really hope tat so much...
but never...
i still alive....

anyone can suggested i better way for me to died ??
if it really work...
thanks....

exam finish le....

form 4 exam is i sit before is de hardest in my life...
i think i gonna think all red..
and all less than 20marks....
or 10 marks...
dunno later mummy seen mu repost card will hav wat respond.....

finish exam le...
holiday come le...
where do u all go ??
one of my friend go hong kong....
few of my friend spent their hooiday in shopping...
i so hope tat i was them....

guess..
guess holiday where i go ??
play ??
gai gai ??
dating ??
haha....
ALL WRONG.........!!
my mum lokap me at home.... T.T

so can save me??

hate lo...

en... kk... o.....

hate lo...

between us really ntg can chat ma ??


i was very boring in our chating....
i feeling like...
when u not yet reply i aslo know wat u going to say ad....

if de last message is en...

de next message is u will ask em wat i m doing....

then i will ans wat i m doing...

after tat u will say en...

then i text back muaxxx....

then u send back de same thing....


haiz...
this thing one day dunno will repeat how many time....
siend lo...

i feeling like i m de one who feel finding topic...

even i cant find i force myself to think...

cause i dun want our relationship become a no topic de relationship...

haiz....

but i feeling tired to find relationship....



Dear Lord Jesus...
u everytime be with me...
u knw my problem....
can u help me ??
i really donwant like tat le.... :(
pray in de name of jesus...
amen...!!

did u think we look like a cpl ??

did u think we look like a cpl ??
i don think so leh....
i feeling like we just a normal friend...

u knw...
when we go out...
we just lik a normal friend having a date....

dear...
i dunno why i hav this feel...
i very unlike this feel....
i feel liek we dunno really look lik a cpl...

think...

soemtime i was thinking...
i was thinking u r still working..
knw why ma ??

i found out tat u stop working le...
but u less accompany me le...
i dunno why...
i thought u quit yr work le u should hav more time with me....

last time after work....
u still spend some of de time hav a talk with me de...
but after de day u quit from yr work u never....

u spent more on yr time in yr friend...
u play with yr friend de whole say..
even until de early morning only finish enjoyed...

soemtime u sms with me...
u will fall asleep also...
i dunno why u tired u still wanna go out with them...
cant u say no de ma ??

i remember last week u came to kl...
u one day late than one day went back to hometown...
i ask u why...
why so late..
u said tat want accompany me...
bt i said u not free....

while u nt yet when back to hometown...
i was not happy...
i was really nt happy...
i sms told u tat i m not happy...
and u just reply me o...
then never contact with me for de whole day....

at school...
i call you...
i ask u whether u can coem out meet me for a while ma ??
just a short while..
u said dunno...

u knwo ma ??
in de time i really very sad...
i just want soem one beside....
tat time u just was in kl...

i was very sad...
i cry in de exam...
i blank my exam paper...

at last wat i get??
NOTHING...!!

touch....

This week it happen a very touch thing happen on a cpl...

There was a cpl…
Both of them is my friend…
De boy had do something make de girl very mad…
De girl tell me tat de boy just non-stop saying sorry in de sms only…
Doesnt hav any action at all….

Wat to know wat happen to them ma ??
Want to know wat did de boy did make de girl so angry wih him ma ??
Sorry…
I promise de girl cant tell anyone…
But I cant tell de is de boy non-stop repeating de same mistake and break de promise…
Don say de girl…
For me I also mad lo…
Hate like tat de boy lo….

De girl was very mad in this thing…
She does not reply his bf message for two day…
Between the two day,
De boy like giving up to “tam” her back never contact with her for de one whole day…
De girl told me tat she was very disappoint with him…

The next day after finish school…
Me n de girl saw de boy standing outside with a bouget of flower…
I hope they can get back together…
So I quickly pull de girl to de boy….

I saw…
I saw De boy whole her hand tight,
Eye in eye tell de girl sorry…
He present the girl de flower…
And promise tat he won repeat it again le…

Nt only tat o…
The boy present her a necklace also..
And help her wear on de spot…
And give her a kiss in front of us o.O
And just like tat de girl forgive him le…
De action of de boy make most of us drop tear le…

But please don think tat every time u mad him/her angry le..
U can do smtg like de boy…
Some time some thing only work one time…
No 2nd or the 3rd time…

So…
Guy and lady…
Please…
appreciate what u hav now…
don wait until u lost le only regret…

imagine....

I m a person who likes to imagine…
I love to imagine…
The feeling of imagine is fun…
I was always imagining me n de person tat I love…

Ehh…
Before tat, ask u all a question…
What kind of bf u all wants??
Rich de??
Handsome de??
Tall de ??
Strong de ?? and many more…
Which one u want ??

Tell u wat I want, want ma ??
I don care de one tat I love rich or poor and handsome or ugly…
I just de one tat I love understand me well, loyal to me and care me…
Tat all…

I always imagine no matter where me n de one tat I love go….
He will hold my hand tight…
He will never let go my hand…
But in true life I feeling like just a normal friend having a date…
So hope tat de one my love will same like wat I imagine..
Hold tigh my hand no matter go anywhere…

I also imagine tat when I sad, unhappy, crying de one tat I love will beside me…
I so hope tat de one tat I love will lend me a shoulder and lend me a ear to hear wat I say…
I was imagine tat when I m sad unhappy crying de one tat I love will do something to make me happy or give me a surprise ….
Make me feel better…
But in true life I had never try before…

I was always imagine tat my friend will praise me tat I hav a good lover…
And I would like to let my friend knw tat I hav a bf who treat me very well…

I was imagining tat when we argue with each other…
I was so hope tat he will let me win in this conservation...
And so smtg to make me happy or just make me feel better by doing smtg…
But in true life at last we had a cold war…

I was always imagine when going out hav a date with my love..
I was hoping he will giving me a suprize or do something romantic stuff…
I was so hope tat everything he present me is in de sincerely way….
Maybe with a both hand or anything…
But in de true life I was feeling like you does not hav a initiative present to me….

Did u all believe fairy tale story is real ??
will de fairy tale story happen on de real life ??
I dunno de fairy tale story will happen on me anot…
But I know tat fairy tale story is not true…